The lonely days

Being lonely and feeling lonely are they the same? I’m plagued with both…

I’m the guilty one. Barely going out. Preferring watching movies, listening to music and reading books.

It is not that I don’t love company, I usually hang out with my college friends and we really have fun, but still there’s something missing whenever I’m with them, a part of me feel completely alone…

I’m picky when it comes to friends…
I choose those people who respect who I am and who accept me; the whole package…

But as holidays draw near, I know I won’t contact any of them except my best friend to catch up for the time apart, I never gave up keeping our friendship alive…she is the one who usually lift me up and who also scold me when I need a wake-up call…

But even with her, I never completely forget that truth: I still feel lonely…

I feel like an outsider watching from far-away eyes…unable to ‘live’ the moment…

Most of the time, I keep the end in mind…

This certainty that we all die, this certainty of many goodbyes, results in me not according importance to keeping relationships alive… Not because I don’t care…but because I care too deeply…. i am too sensitive

When I like someone strongly, I end up doing my very best to be a very best…
In doing so I end up being disappointed each and every time…
And as I know how I am, I end up doing my best to accept each and every disappointment…even when I am wronged in the worst of ways……

The lonely days, I spend time writing poetry… Playing new pieces of music…cleaning up…

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