Who’s to know if…

Over the years, I’ve lost track of who I am…
I’ve bore the brunt of injustice.
I know about betrayal.
I’ve felt hatred so deep I would wish death and everything disgusting that could happen to those who had hurt me.
I’ve cloaked myself with indifference.
And then step by step, I’ve started to let go of all those walls…
I no longer felt hatred, no longer felt the need to strike back, an eye for an eye…I would forgive…and even forget…that if you asked me to recollect every moment of hurt, I wouldn’t say much…

But now, I’m just tired of people.
There are all shades of people.

At the end of the day, I’m tired of the effort it took me to lend a hand, give a smile, be there…i feel empty…

Like my sole reason to be was to enlighten the lives of others at the detriment of mine for no one lightens my life as much as I would want to…

I’m the fool who really cares…while some are faking it…

To stop living for oneself alone is good, but don’t let anyone use you, walk over yourself…which I do for I absolutely hate conflicts…
I prefer peace so much that I just don’t break out in anger. I keep it inside.
I focus on something else rather than the anger…

I’m angry for the challenges I face are so huge…
I’m angry for none of my dreams have ever come true.
It’s so frustrating. As I go to sleep, I’m teased with the appearance of what I secretly would wish to have in reality.
It’s so close to having it, that I cry when I wake up.
Couldn’t it be more cruel?
I console myself with the fact that I’m still lucky for the little I have.
I can’t relate to what most people have lived through that I wonder how the hell do I still connect with them…
I’m the one who understands but never is understood.
It’s a lonely world no matter how many people will smile back at me…

I just keep the hope..that I’ll be blessed with more meaningful and beautiful moments…

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